Women
Answering Machine Recording
Answering Machine Recording:"You have reached the breast self-examination hot line. Please press 1 now.......Now press the other one."
How many women with PMS does it take to...
Q: How many women with PMS does it take to screw in alight bulb?A: One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE?Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change alight bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT.They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYSbefore they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out theywouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact thatthey've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the pastSEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle,actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair thatthey dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change theSTUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! ANDUNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPERTHE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?!BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUTTHE GARBAGE!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALLSUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THEHOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS...I'm sorry...what did you ask me?
Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman...
Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman says,"I hear that you've been telling people that I'm ugly!""Oh NO! I've just been saying that your new hairdo makes youlook less attractive.""I also heard that you've been calling me fat?!?""Oh NO! I just said that the way you wear those stripesmakes you look larger than you really are.""I've also heard that you're saying that my husband has a warton his dick!""Oh NO! I only said that it feels like he has a wart on his dick!"
A woman participating in a survey was asked...
A woman participating in a survey was askedhow she felt about condoms. She said, "Depends on what's in it for me."
Three women were sitting at a bar having a few drinks...
Three women were sitting at a bar having a few drinks.After a while the conversation started turning a littlerude and crass. Soon the women were getting louder andthey were arguing about how wide their snatches were.(This happens all the time.) The first woman got up on the bar, lifted her leg,grabbed a baseball bat and slid it home. All the people in the bar were watching, hooting andhollering, throwing money. Five minutes later the second woman got up, lifted herleg, grabbed a bowling ball and slid it in. People were going ballistic. Finally the third women very casually got up on the barand asked for a quarter. She slid it in..... and thejukebox starts playing.
Should I have a baby after 35?
Should I have a baby after 35?No, 35 children is enough.
Some beauty parlors do a great job...
Some beauty parlors do a great job.One young man followed a young womanfor twenty blocks. Then he found outit was his grandmother.
What's the difference between a barmaid in the evening and...
What's the difference between a barmaid inthe evening and a barmaid at night?A barmaid in the evening is fair and buxom.A barmaid at night is bare and ....Sent by Jennifer
How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb? (The long ladies version)
Q: How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?! BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS... I'm sorry...what did you ask me?
Why didnt NASA send a woman to the moon yet?
Why didnt NASA send a woman to the moon yet?Because it does not need to be cleaned!
What would you call a virgin on a water bed?
What would you call a virgin on a water bed?A cherry float!
What's long and hard and excites a girl...
What's long and hard and excites a girl whenshe's finally lucky enough to get on it?The road to success!
What's the difference between men and women?
What's the difference between men and women?Women must play hard to get; men must get hard to play!
What is the meaning of "sanctity"?
What is the meaning of "sanctity"?It's french, for a lady with five breasts.Sent by Darrell
The woman's secret
At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. "No woman," said one man, scornfully, "can keep a secret." "I don't know about that," huffily answered a woman guest. "I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one." "You'll let it out some day," the man insisted. "I hardly think so!" responded the lady. "When a woman has kept a secret for twenty-seven years, she can keep it forever."
One of the life's mysteries is how a two-pound...
One of the life's mysteries is how a two-poundbox of candy can make a woman gain five pounds.
Women's secrets
At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. "No woman," said one man, scornfully, "can keep a secret." "I don't know about that," huffily answered a woman guest. "I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one." "You'll let it out some day," the man insisted. "I hardly think so!" responded the lady. "When a woman has kept a secret for twenty-seven years, she can keep itforever."
Life Science Final Exam
The not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life scienceclassroom staring at a question on the final exam paper. The questiondirected: "Give four advantages of breast milk." What to write? Hesighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping forthe best:1. No need to boil.2. Cats can't steal it.3. Available whenever necessary.So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a four-part answer. Again, what to write? Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He scowled,then sighed again. But suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen,and triumphantly, he scribbled his definitive answer:4. Available in attractive containers.
What are the three fastest means of communication?
What are the three fastest means of communication?Internet Telephone Telawoman!
The Seven Most Important Men in a Woman's Life
The Seven Most Important Men in a Woman's LifeThe Doctor - who tells her to "take off all her clothes." The Dentist - who tells her to "open wide." The Milkman - who asks her "do you want it in the front or the back?" The Hairdresser - who asks her "do you want it teased or blown?" The Interior Designer - who tells her "once it's inside, you'll LOVE it!" The Banker - who insists to her "if you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest!" The Primal Hunter - who always goes deep into the bush, always shoots twice, always eats what he shoots, but keeps telling her "Keep quiet and lie still!"
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