Sex
Why is 88 better than 69?
for you girls...Why is 88 better than 69?You get 8 twice.
Did you hear about the call girl who accidentally...
Q: Did you hear about the call girl who accidentally made two appointments at the same time?A: She managed to squeeze them both in.
Nauseous sex
Patient: Doctor I'm having trouble having sex with my wife. When I get close enough to her, I get nauseous. When I insert, even an inch or two, I get sick to my stomach.Doctor: Hmmmm, that does sound serious. Let me see it.Patient sticks out his tongue...
Two drunks sitting at the rural area bar, lamenting...
Two drunks sitting at the rural area bar, lamenting their lack of a sex life. One looks out the window, and across the road is a sheep stuck half way thru a fence, with its butt facing the tavern. One drunk says he sure wishes that sheep were Marilyn Monroe. The other says, "I just wish it were dark."
I tried phone sex once...
I tried phone sex once, but the holes were too small.
A wonderful exercise
A neighbor of mine, Myron, in his mid-50's, had a relatively minorheart attack, and while he was in the hospital, he complained to his cardiologist that he thought that his sex life was over. Thecardiologist said, "Not true, Myron. Sex is wonderful exercise for your heart. After you get home, you should have sex 3 or 4 times a week. It'llbe the best thing you can do for your recovery."So after his discharge (from the hospital), Myron tells his wife whatthe doctor had said. His wife looked at him and told him, "That's wonderful, Myron! Sign me up for twice."
Why are women like snow flakes?
Why are women like snow flakes?? They are all beautiful. They are all different. They can all be cold as ice. But they'll all melt when they land on your face......
Why do women fake orgasms?
Why do women fake orgasms?Because men fake foreplay.
Did you know there are serial number on condoms?
Did you know there are serial number on condoms.........No?.I guess you didn't roll them down far enough.
A young kid's in a shipwreck and he winds up stranded...
A young kid's in a shipwreck and he winds up stranded on a tropical island. For twenty years he never sees another human being. Then one day a beautiful girl with long blond hair, her clothes half-ripped off, washes up on a piece of driftwood. He explains to her how he existed for twenty years, digging for clams, and eating fruits and berries. She says, "Well, what did you do for love?" He says, "Love? What's that?" She says, "I'll show you." She shows him. Then she shows him again. Then she shows himone more time. When they're finally done, she says, "Well, how do you like love?" He says, "It's great. But look what you did to my clam digger."
A prostitute goes to the hospital to visit a colleague...
A prostitute goes to the hospital to visit a colleague who is about to have a heart transplant. She's worried about the friend so she asks the doctor: Girlfriend: I'm worried about my friend doc, what if her body rejects the organ?Doctor: Well she's 36 years old and healthy. How long has she been in business?Girlfriend: She's been working since she was 19 years old but what does that have to do with anything?Doctor: Well she's been working 17 years and hasn't rejected an organ yet!
Who makes more money a drug dealer or a hooker?
Who makes more money a drug dealer or a hooker?A hooker because she can wash her crack and reuse it.
What's the difference between a Geneologist and a Gynecologist?
What's the difference between a Geneologist and a Gynecologist?A Geneologist looks up your family tree, and a Gynecologist looks up your family bush.
What's the difference between mono and herpes?
What's the difference between mono and herpes?You get mono from from snatching a kiss....
What is red and has seven dents?
What is red and has seven dents?Snow White's cherry!
What's the definition of a real loser?
What's the definition of a real loser?A guy who has a wet dream and gets HIV.
An aging hooker volunteered to give the novice...
An aging hooker volunteered to give the novice a few tips on the art of fellatio. Satisfied that she had perfected the basics, the old pro asked the beginner if she had any questions."Well yeah. I was wondering how long dicks should be sucked.""The same as the short ones, honey."
Play doctor
Steve complained to his friend Al that lovemaking with his wife was becoming routine and boring."Get creative buddy. Break up the monotony. Why don't you try playing doctor for an hour?""Sounds great," Steve replied, "but how do you make it last for an hour?" "Hell, just keep her in the waiting room for 45 minutes!"
How does Herpes leave the hospital?
How does Herpes leave the hospital?On crotches.
A Frenchman was arrested and charged with having sex...
A Frenchman was arrested and charged with having sex with a dead woman. "How do you plead?" asked the judge."Guilty or not guilty.""Not guilty," replied the man."On what grounds?" queried the judge."I didn't think she was dead....I thought she was an American."
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