Sex
Two hookers were on a street corner...
Two hookers were on a street corner. They started discussing business,and one of the hookers said, "Gonna be a good night, I smell cock inthe air."The other hooker looked at her and said, "No, I just burped."
Three altar boys are standing in the snow with...
Three altar boys are standing in the snow with their pants down around their ankles. They have their penis' in a snow bank.Sister Margaret sticks her head out the window and says, "Boys! Boys!Whatever are you doing... you're going to catch pneumonia. Put your penis' away."The tallest altar boy turns around and yells, "Sister Margaret, don't worry, we know what we're doing. Father Porter always likes a couplecold ones after work...."
The clerk showed the man the store's most expensive perfume...
The clerk showed the man the store's most expensive perfume."This is called 'Perhaps'," said the sales clerk. "It's $285 perounce.""Listen," the man shot back, "for $285 an ounce, I don't wantsomething called 'Perhaps'; I want something called..."You Can Bet Your Sweet Ass You'll Get Some !!"
The common symptoms of swine flu
The common symptoms of swine flu are: High fever, upset stomach, occasional cramps and an irresistible urge to fuck in the mud...
Take her apart!
A young boy asked his mother "Ma, is it true that people can be taken apart like machines?" "Of course not, where did you hear such nonsense?" replied by his mother The young boy answered " The other day, Daddy wastalking to someone on the phone, and he said that he screwed the ass off his secretary."
The art of foreplay
Woman, "Slow down, foreplay is an art."Man, "Well, if you don't get your canvas arranged soon, I'm going to spill my paint!"
Wife comes home to find the old man shagging the dog...
Wife comes home to find the old man shagging the dog in the front room. "My God Henry", she screams, "I know you've had other woman but this time you've gone too far!" "You may be right" he says, "I think I'm stuck."
A priest is teaching a nun how to swim...
A priest is teaching a nun how to swim and the nun says to the priest "Will I really sink if you take your finger out?"
One neighbor says to the other...
One neighbor says to the other, "Hey Joe, you have to stop leaving the blinds on your bedroom open, I saw you fucking your wife." Joe responds "The jokes on you, Stan, I was away on a business trip yesterday."
The dean of women at an exclusive girl's college...
The dean of women at an exclusive girl's college was lecturing her students on sexual morality. "In moments of temptation," said the speaker to the class, "ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?"A sweet young thing in the back of the room rose to ask: "How do you make it last an hour?"
What is the difference between a Slut and a Bitch?
What is the difference between a Slut and a Bitch?A Slut sleeps with everyone, a bitch sleeps with everyone but you!
Did you know Sex is a crime?
Did you know Sex is a crime?Its a misdemeanor - The more I miss de meaner I get..
If a light sleeper sleeps lighter with...
If a light sleeper sleeps lighter with the light on,does a hard sleeper sleep harder with a hard on?
One day this old man was about to have sex with a young girl...
One day this old man was about to have sex with a young girl which he did not know. The old man began to put on his condom when the young girl asked him why is he putting one on. She said "you don't have to worry about getting me pregnant because you are too old and you don't have to worry about catching anything because you are going to die pretty soon anyway". The old man continued to put on his condom he then looked up at the girl and said, "young girl the reason I am putting on this condom isn't because I am afraid of getting you pregnant or catching anything. I just like the scent of burning rubber."
Three college students were rapping about who they'd like to be...
Three college students were rapping about who they'd like to be cast off on a desert with. The first one opted for Cindy Crawford. The next one chose Pamela Anderson. The third man chose Virginia Pipeline. "Never heard of her." his companions protested. "Who is she?" "Why she's just the greatest Italian gal of all, making the headlines in the newspaper," replied the third man. "See, here it is on page one: FIVE DIE LAYING VIRGINIA PIPELINE"
What is a man's idea of protected sex?
What is a man's idea of protected sex?A padded headboard.
Two friends met after a long time, and chatted about...
Two friends met after a long time, and chatted about what?s been going on since they last met. One of them had a new girlfriend and the other one asked about her cooking, her relation to his folks etc. etc. and finally asked "How is she in bed?" First guy replies "She?s fantastic, she sucks like a real man!"
The definition of amnesia
AMNESIA:Condition that enables a woman who has gone throughlabor to have sex again.
There once was a young Irish woman who went to confession...
There once was a young Irish woman who went to confession. Upon entering the confessional she said, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned." The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven." The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times."The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Take seven lemons and squeeze them into a glass and then drink it."The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"The priest said "NO, but it will wipe the smile off of your face."
A new contraceptive
Aspirin makes a great contraceptive. Jhold it between your knees.
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