Sex
Do you know what a Yankee is?
Do you know what a Yankee is?Same as a quickie, except you're by yourself
A nun is walking down a deserted road when...
A nun is walking down a deserted road when a man grabs her and starts raping her. After the rapist is done, he says, "Hey Sister, what are you going to tell the other Sisters now?""I'll tell them the truth, that you grabbed me, threw me to the ground, and raped me twice....unless you're tired." she responded.
What goes in dry, comes out wet, and gives warm satisfaction?
Q: What goes in dry, comes out wet, and gives warm satisfaction? A: A tea bag.
How can ya tell when a woman has fucked too much?
How can ya tell when a woman has fucked too much?Ya put yer thumb in her ass, AND yer middle-finger in her cunt...Now, if ya can SNAP yer fingers, ya know she's been fucking too much..
How is sex like air?
How is sex like air?It's no big thing unless you aren't getting any.
Down in Florida, two widows were talking and one asked...
Down in Florida, two widows were talking and one asked the other, "Do you ever get to feeling horny?""Yes,"her friend replied. "What do you do about it?""I usually suck on a Lifesaver."After a moment of stunned silence her friend asked, "Well, what beach do you go to?"
Sexually active
A REDNECK BRINGS HIS DAUGHTER TO THE GYNOCOLOGIST FOR BIRTH CONTROL PILLS.THE DR. ASKS,"IS YOUR DAUGHTER SEXUALLY ACTIVE?"THE REDNECK SAYS,"NAW, SHE JUST LAYS THERE LIKE HER MOTHER.Sent by BOBBY
If the bird of wisdom is an owl, and the bird of peace...
If the bird of wisdom is an owl, and the bird of peace is the dove, what is the bird of TRUE love?The Swallow. Sent by Denise
A man leaned toward an attractive woman at a bar...
A man leaned toward an attractive woman at a bar and told her, "Haven't I seen you somewhere before?""Yes," she replied in a loud voice, "I'm the receptionist at the V.D. clinic."
Do you know why it's called sex?
Do you know why it's called sex?Because it's easier to spell than Uhhhhh..oooohh...Ahhhhhh....AIIEEEEEEE!!!
What do you do in case of fallout?
What do you do in case of fallout?Put it back in and take shorter strokes!
A woman walks into her accountant's office and...
A woman walks into her accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask a few questions." He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, "What is your occupation?"The woman replies, "I'm a whore."The accountant balks and says, "No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crass. Let's try to rephrase that."The woman, "Ok, I'm a prostitute.""No, that is still too crude. Try again."They both think for a minute, then the woman states, "I'm a chicken farmer."The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore or a prostitute?""Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last year."
When the man first noticed that his penis was growing longer...
When the man first noticed that his penis was growing longer, he was delighted. But several weeks and several inches later, he became concerned and went to see a urologist. While his wife waited outside, the physicianexamined him and explained that, thought rare his condition could be corrected by minor surgery. The patient's wife anxiously rushed up to the doctor after the examination and was told of the diagnosis and the need for surgery."How long will he be on crutches?" she asked. "Crutches???" the doctor asked "Well, yes," the woman said "You are going to lengthen his legs, aren't you?"
For me, penises are a hobby...
For me, penises are a hobby ... kinda like fishing ... The small ones you throw back, The good-sized ones you take home for dinner, and The big ones you mount."
Different sex outcomes
Different sex outcomesBrunette after sex: "Oh that was great! Love you... wanna marry?"Blonde after sex: "Next!"Redhead after sex: "Better start chewing some VITAMINS, kid."
How do you know when you've satisfied a redhead?
Q: How do you know when you've satisfied a redhead?A: She unties you.
A cop sees a car weaving all over the road and pulls it over...
A cop sees a car weaving all over the road and pulls it over. He walks up to the car and sees a nice-looking woman is driving and smells liquor on her breath. He says, "I'm going to have to give you the breathalyzer test to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol." She blows up the balloon and he walks over to the police car.After a couple of minutes comes back and says, "It looks like you've had a couple of stiff ones." She replies "You mean it shows that, too?"
Do you know the difference in sugar and Sweet-n-Low?
Do you know the difference in sugar and Sweet-n-Low????Sugar is when you kiss her on the lips!
A horny young man went to a brothel...
A horny young man went to a brothel... The lady at the counter asked him what his choice would be. The man wanted to know what was available. Madam, "On the first floor, we have the ex-models... they are all slinky and sexy... On the second floor, we have our ex-actresses...they are all buxom and beautiful... On the third floor, we have our ex-teachers.... they..."Man, "Say no more! Lead me to the third floor."Madam, "Are you sure... I'm surprised that you would prefer ex-teachers to ex-models and ex-actresses."Man, "It's obvious, ma'am, teachers always make you do a thing over and over again, until you're perfect at it."
What happened to the cheerleader when she did the splits?
Q: What happened to the cheerleader when she did the splits?A: 20 class rings fell out.
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