Sex
Kiss me...yeah!
"Kiss me," said the young lady urgently. "Please kiss me."But the young man turned his head away, saying, "Of course not.How can I? I'm your own brother-in-law. Hell, we shouldn'teven be lying here making love."
A young man took a girl out to dinner and a show...
A young man took a girl out to dinner and a show. They got along verywell, and when he asked her if she would like to come up to his apartmentfor a drink she agreed. After they were at the apartment a while, heasked if he could give her an old fashioned kiss. Her reply was "At atime like this you want me to change positions?"
A man finds himself staying in a Vegas hotel room...
A man finds himself staying in a Vegas hotel room while on a business trip. Not wishing to be alone, he calls an "escort" service for some company. Soon, a strikingly beautiful hooker arrives. Without preamble the hookersays, "I want to tell you right up front, my minimum fee is $500, and that'sfor a hand job." "$500 for a hand job? Why, that's outrageous!" the manexclaimed. " No hand job in the world could be worth $500!" The hookersummons the man to the window and points down onto the parking lot below. "See that cherry red Maserati down there? I own that because of what I cando with my hands." Against his better judgement, the man pays the $500 andsure enough the hooker sends him into utter bliss, by far the best sexualexperience of his life. After he recuperates he says to the hooker, "Godthat was fantastic!! How much for a blowjob?" "$2500," the hooker replied. "$2500 for a blowjob?" Cried the astonished man. "That's way too much!" Again the hooker summons the man to the window, this time pointing acrossthe street. "Do you see that large medical building right off the strip there? I own that because of what I can do with my mouth." " Oh no," moans the man,"this is gonna break me, but I just have to try it." Once again the hookertakes him to the edge of the universe and back, far surpassing the pleasurehe received earlier, leaving him utterly drained and totally gratified. As soon as the man can speak again, he says, "I just have to know. How muchdo you get for pussy?" The hooker drags the man to the window for a thirdtime, points and proclaims, "Do you see the MGM Grand Hotel sitting there onthe corner? I could own that if I had a pussy!"Sent by TJ
Know the difference
Man to a woman: Do you know the difference between a blowjob and a cheeseburger is?Woman: NoMan: Lets have lunch sometime...Sent by jim
A young girl had not been feeling well...
A young girl had not been feeling well and went to her family doctor. "Young lady," the doctor began, "you're pregnant.""But that can't be. The only men I've been with are nudists and in, our colony we practice sex only with our eyes.""Well my dear," said the doctor, "someone in that colony is cockeyed."
What does pizza delivery man and a gynaecologist...
What does pizza delivery man anda gynaecologist have in common?Both can smell it but can't eat it
John pulled over the car by the side of the road...
John pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Brian where he'd first had sex."It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree and made love for hours,""That sounds wonderful," said Brian."Yes. It was ok until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us.""Oh my God!!! What did her mother say when she saw youmaking love to her daughter?""Baaaaaaa."
Grandpa and Little Johnny are sitting...
Grandpa and Little Johnny are sitting on a bench in the park. Johnny asked, "Grandpa are you going to take that new Viagra?"Grandpa looks at him and says "No Johnny, I will not.""But Grandpa, why?" asks little Johnny. Grandpa replies. "Because there is no sense in putting lead in your pencil if you have no one worth writing to."
My girlfriend told me to give her 12 inches...
My girlfriend told me to give her 12 inches and make ithurt!..................So I Fucked her 3 times and then hit her with a baseball bat.
You can come out now
Jon was looking for a little "action". He picked up a sweet young thang at the bar and took her back to his hotel room. Little did he know she was damn near a nymphomaniac.After six times she was screaming for more. After the *eighth* time Jon told her that he needed to slip out for a pack of cigarettes.On the way out he stopped in the men's room. He stood in front of the urinal, unzipped, and felt a moment of panic that he couldn't find "it".After a couple of minutes "fishing around" he finally said, "Look, it's ok. She's not here!"
Wrong card
At the card shop: A woman was spending a long time looking at the cards, finally shaking her head, "No." A clerk came over and asked, "May I help you?" "I don't know," said the woman. "Do you have any 'Sorry I laughed at your dick' cards?"
What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
Q: What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?A: Full.
What's the difference between pussy and apple pie?
Q: What's the difference between pussy and apple pie?A: You can eat your Mom's apple pie.
Two dwarfs pick up two hookers and take them to their hotel rooms...
Two dwarfs pick up two hookers and take them to their hotel rooms.The first dwarf not only can't get a hard-on, but all night he hasto listen to the other dwarf and the other hooker grunting "One,two three, uhh...one, two three, uhh..." In the morning, the seconddwarf says to the first dwarf, "So how was it?" The first dwarf says,"It sucked. I couldn't get a hard-on all night." The second dwarf says,"You think that's bad? I couldn't even get up on the fucking bed."
Nancy Reagan is the celebrity contestant on Password...
Nancy Reagan is the celebrity contestant on Password. It's her turn to guess the word. Voice Over: And the password is. . . black dick! Nancy: Um. . . is it a place? Her partner: No. Nancy: Is it a person? Her partner: No. Nancy: Hmm, then it must be a thing. Um, is it something Imight want to eat? Her partner, exasperated: Well, I dunno, maybe. Nancy: Is it black dick?
Who's got a bigger crotch?
There were three women sitting in a bar and they were discussinghow much their husbands could get up their crotch. The first women said, "My husband can get his whole hand up me". The second lady said, "My husband can get his whole head up me". The third lady slid down the bar stool.
A guy walks into an elevator and stands next...
A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman.After a few minutes he turns to her and says, "Can I smell your pussy?" The woman looks at him in disgust and says, "Certainly not!" "Hmmm," he replies. "It must be your feet, then."
A tourist from Albegestan goes on his first overseas trip...
A tourist from Albegestan goes on his first overseas trip.Upon arriving, he is visibly puzzled filling his visaapplication. The border official look s over his shoulder,and sees the tourist trying to write 'Twice a week' intothe small space labeled 'SEX'. The official explains: "No, no, no. That is not what wemean by this question. We are asking 'Male' or 'Female'." "Doesn't matter," the tourist answers.
Why are women so bad at mathematics?
Q: Why are women so bad at mathematics? A: Because men keep telling them that this|<---------------------->| is 12 inches.
Three little old ladies, sitting on a park bench...
Three little old ladies, sitting on a park bench.The town flasher comes by and shows them his ALL!The first little old lady had a huge stroke. Thesecond little old lady had a little stroke. The third little old lady would have had astroke................but her arms weren't quite long enough.
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