Science
If a tree falls in the forest, and there's...
If a tree falls in the forest, and there's noone there to hear it, does it make a sound?Not if it lands on a bunch of pillows.
An academic problem
An academic problemIn a high school gym class, all the girls are lined up against one wall, and all the boys against the opposite wall. Every ten seconds, they walk toward each other exactly half the remaining distance between them. A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are asked, "When will the girls and boys meet?" Mathematician: "Never." Physicist: "In an infinite amount of time." Engineer: "Well... in about two minutes, they'll be close enough for all practical purposes."
What do a meteorologist in a snowstorm...
What do a meteorologist in a snowstormand a woman's sex life have in common?They're both concerned with how manyinches and how long it will last.
If you cloned Henry IV...
If you cloned Henry IV, would he be Henry V, or Henry IV Part II?
Gay banter
More gay banter...Four men got together at a reunion. All of them had sons and they starteddiscussing them.The first man said his son was doing so well, he now owneda factory, manufacturing furniture. Why, just the other day he gave hisbest friend a whole house full of brand new furniture.The second man said his son was doing just as well.He was a manager at a car sales firm. Why, just the other day he gave his best friend a Ferrari.The third man said his was doing well too.He was a manager at a bank.Why,just the other day he gave his best friend a the money to buy a house.The fourth man just shook his head. He said his son was gay and hadn't amounted to much.But he must be doing something right because,just the other day he was given a house, furniture and a Ferrari by his friends!
First illegal, then legal, then...
A long time resident of San Francisco is packing allhis stuff into boxes. His roommate comes in & askswhat he's doing. "I'm leaving !" he replies. "They justmade homosexuality legal.""So why leave now ?" queries his roomie. "Gays havebeen part of the scene here for years and years.""Yeah, I know." he replied. "I'm getting the hell outof here before the damn fools make it compulsory."
Coming out
A young man, in the course of his college life, came to terms with his homosexuality and decided to "come out of the closet." His plan was to tell his mother first; so on his next home visit, he went to the kitchen, where his mother was busying herself stirring stew with a wooden spoon. Rather nervously, he explained to her that he had realized he was gay. Without looking up from her stew, his mother said, "You mean, homosexual?" "Well...yes." Still without looking up: "Does that mean you suck men`s penises?" Caught off guard, the young man eventually managed to stammer an embarrassed affirmative; whereupon his mother turned to him and, brandishing the wooden spoon threateningly under his nose, snapped: "Don`t you EVER complain about my cooking again!"
Two lesbians were standing at a bar drinking...
Two lesbians were standing at a bar drinking when another girl waved from across the bar. "Who is that babe?" one said to the other. "I'd sure like to get her spread out on my sheets." "No you wouldn't," said the other. "She's hung like a doughnut."
DOUBLE VODKA
DOUBLE VODKA A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodka." The barman says "Wow! you must have had one really bad day." "Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay." The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!" On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said "WOW! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?" "Yeah, my wife..."
A name for a penis
A guy walks into a bar ... once inside, he realizes it's a gay bar, but he decides, "What the heck, I really want a drink." So he sits down at the bar, and the gay bartender says to him, "What's the name of your penis?" The guy says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink." The gay bartender says, "I'm sorry, but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your penis." So the guy looks at the man sitting to his left who is sipping on a beer and asks, "Hey bud, what's the name of your penis?" The man to left, with a smile, looks back and says, "TIMEX." The guy asks, "Why Timex?" The fella proudly replies, "Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'!" A little shaken, the guy turns to the fella on his right sipping on a fruity margarita, "So, what do you call your penis?" The man to his right turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because quality is Job 1", he then ads, "Have you driven a Ford lately?" Even more shaken, the guy has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his penis. He turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The name of my penis is SECRET. Now give me my beer." The bartender begins to pour the guy a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, "Why secret?" The guy says, "because it's strong enough for a man but made for a woman!"
There is 2 fags walking down the beach...
There is 2 fags walking down the beach. They are holding hands andkicking the sand with their feet. One happens to kick a lamp that islying buried in the sand. He pick it up and starts to clean it off.All of a sudden a Genie comes out of the lamp.Genie, " Man, I don't believe it. I have stuck in that bottle for 2thousand years and the first person to come along and find me is afag. I am suppose to give you 3 wishes but I just can't do it. I won'teven give you 2. I will give you one wish and that is it. What will itbe."The 2 fags are excited about getting their wish but couldn't come upwith what they wanted to wish for on such short notice.Fag1 says," Could you give us just a little time to think about it? Imean one wish we need a little time."The Genie looks down and says, "Alright you can take as long as youwant but I am not going to stay here until you come up with it. I justcan't stand the sight of you two. Whenever youmake me your mind justwish for it and it will done."At that moment the Genie grabs his bottle and flys off into the sky.Well the two fags decide that they will go back to the motel room anddecide on what they will wish for. Once they got back their emotionstook over and they starting doing all that fag stuff. Right as they were getting into it, the door of their room gets busteddown and 6 men in white sheets come in. They grab the fags and throw arope around their necks. Fag1 looks at Fag2 and says, " You know this might be a good time useour wish."Fag2 says, "I already made it."Fag1 " What the hell did you wish for?"Fag2 " Well, I wish that we were hung like two niggers."
This one is really disgusting...
Two fags are on a picnic,and the first guy says,"I have to take adumpski,"and he walks into the woods to do it. Several minutes later,the other guy hears the first guy crying"Boo Hoo,I Had A Miscarriage.I Had A Miscarriage." He runs into the woods to see what is going on. When he gets there,the first guy is still crying,"Boo-Hoo I Had AMiscarriage... He looks down and says,"Don't be silly.You didn't have a miscarraige.Youhad diarrhea on a toad."
What do you call two lesbians in a canoe?
What do you call two lesbians in a canoe?Fur traders.
What do gay men refer to hemorrhoids as?
Q. What do gay men refer to hemorrhoids as?................A. Speed bumps
Wrong joke
A traveling salesman's car breaks down, and he walks overto a near by farm. He knocks on the door and the farmerappears. "Excuse me sir, but my car broke down about a mile downthe road, and I was wondering if you had a place I could stay,just until morning, and I....." The farmer says, "Well, I can let you sleep in the barn, butyou'll have to sleep with my two sons...." The salesman says, "Sons! I must be in the wrong joke!"
Sword playing
Two bums were sitting on a street curb, bored as ever.Then, one of them got an idea, saying "I know, let's play swords!""Play swords?" asked the other. "How?" "Simple. Whip it out, smackit till it's hard, and we both whack'em together like swords."So they did, and they were running up and down the street, smackingtheir dicks together playing swords.Then, a gay man walked up to them and inquired about their actions."We're playing swords!" yelled one of the bums.The gay man wanted to play too. An hour later, the gay man was becomingexhausted. "I'm tired," he said. He bent over saying, "kill me!, killme!!"
What is the difference between a ritz cracker and a lesbian?
What's the difference between a ritz cracker and a lesbian?One's a snack cracker, the other a crack snacker!
What do you call a gay man scrotum?
Question: What do you call a gay man's scrotum?Answer: Mud flaps!
What is the most popular pick up line in a gay bar?
Question: What is the most popular pick up line in a gay bar? Answer: Can I push your stool in?
My feminine side
Bob, who's gay, decides to go out for a good timeand ends up at a gay bar. There he meets an attractiveyoung man named Johnny who he talks to all evening.When the night comes to an end Johnny invites him overto his place.They get in Johnny's car, a pink stretch Cadillac, andproceed to leave the parking lot. Yet Bob is quiteconcerned when Johnny repeatedly smashes into parkedcars as they are leaving the lot. Once they reachJohnny's place, again Johnny looks around and proceedsto smash into parked cars as he's parking his.As they got out of the car Johnny asked, "So Bob, do youlike my feminine side?"
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