Relationships
An old rabbi is talking with one of his friends...
An old rabbi is talking with one of his friends andsays with a warm smile, "I gladdened seven hearts today." "Seven hearts?" asks the friend. "How did you do that?" The rabbi strokes his beard and replies, "I performed three marriages." The friend looks at him quizically."Seven?" he asks. "I could understand six, but..." "What do you think" says the rabbi, "that I do this for free?"
Is there a doctor in the house?
A strained voice called out through the darkenedtheater, "Please, is there a doctor in the house?!" Several men stood up as the lights came on. An older lady pulled her daughter to stand next to her,"Good, are any of you doctors single and interested ina date with a good, Jewish girl?"
Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was...
Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. "Listen to this," she said. "There's a classified ad here where aguy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium." "Hmmm," her husband said, not looking up from his magazine. Teasing him, Sarah said, "Would you swap me for a season ticket?" "Absolutely not," he said. "How sweet," Sarah said. "Tell me why not." "Season's more than half over," he said.
The room was full of pregnant women and their partners...
The room was full of pregnant women and their partners. The Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan."Ladies, exercise is good for you," announced the teacher. "Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"The room was very quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand."Yes?" asked the instructor."Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
The young wife was in tears when she opened the door...
The young wife was in tears when she opened the door for her husband. "I've been insulted," she sobbed. "Your mother insulted me." "My mother!" he exclaimed. "But she is a hundred miles away." "I know, but a letter came for you this morning and I opened it." He looked stern, "I see, but where does the insult come in?" "In the postscript," she answered. "It said: 'Dear Alice, don'tforget to give this letter to George.'"
What a Woman Really Needs
A couple was having some trouble, so they did the rightthing and went to a marriage counselor. After a few visits,and a lot of questioning and listening, the counselor saidthat he had discovered the main problem. He stood up, went over to the woman, asked her to stand,and gave her a hug. He looked at the man and said, "thisis what your wife needs, at least once a day!" The man frowned, thought for a moment, then said, "Ok, whattime do you want me to bring her back tomorrow?"
A trucker who has been out on the road for three weeks...
A trucker who has been out on the road for three weeks stopsinto a brothel outside Vegas. He walks straight up to theMadam, drops down $500 and says,"I want your ugliest woman and a bologna sandwich!!!"The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money youcould have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal."The trucker replies, "Listen sweetheart, I ain't horny, I'mhomesick."
The wife coyly tried to explain her purchase of a new...
The wife coyly tried to explain her purchase of a new pair of expensive imported panties. "After all, dear," she said to her husband, "you wouldn't expect to find fine perfume in a cheap bottle, would you?""No," her husband replied."Nor would I expect to find gift wrapping on a dead beaver."
When is premature ejaculation a serious problem?
When is premature ejaculation a serious problem?When it occurs between "hello" and "what's your sign?"
Olympic condoms
A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. When he arrives home, he tellshis wife about the purchase he's just made."Olympic condoms?" she blurts, "What makes them so special?""There are three colors," he explains, "gold, silver and bronze.""So what color are you gonna wear tonight?" she asks with a grin."Gold of course," says the proud man.The wife responds, "Why don't you wear silver -- it would be niceif you came second for a change!"
What's the best way to make yourself last with your girlfriend?
What's the best way to make yourself last with your girlfriend?Let everyone go first!
A chinese detective
A man suspected his wife was cheating on him, so whenhe left town, he hired a famous Chinese detective toinvestigate. A few days later he received this letter.Most Honorable Sir,You leave house,He come to house.He and she leave house,I follow.He and she go to hotel,I climb tree to see.He kiss she,she kiss he.He strip she,she strip he.I play with me,I fall out of tree,I not see.No fee,Chen Lee
A well laid out plan
"First," said the playboy,"I'm going to buy you a few drinks and get you a bit loose.""Oh no you're not," said the girl."Then I'll take you to dinner and ply you with a few more drinks.""Oh no you're not.""Then I'll take you to my place and keep serving you drinks.""Oh no you're not.""Then I'm going to make violent, passionate love to you.""Oh no you're not.""And I'm not going to wear a condom either!" said the guy."Oh yes you are!" said the girl.
Definition of Outdoor Barbecuing
Definition of Outdoor Barbecuing --------------------------------- It's the only type of cooking a "real" man will do. When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion. (1) The woman goes to the store. (2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert. (3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill. (4) The man places the meat on the grill. (5) The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables. (6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. (7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman. (8) The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table. (9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes. (10) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.
A change of style
Two men were changing in the locker room after a game of tennis. One notices the other one is putting on pair of stockings and suspenders.He says "When did you start wearing them?" To which the other man replies "Since my wife found a pair on the back seat of the car."
Six stages of married life
Six stages of married life:1: Tri-weekly2: Try weekly3: Try weakly4. Try oysters5: Try anything6: Try to remember
A man took his wife to the doctors...
A man took his wife to the doctors.After a short examination the doctor said"Your wife's mind has completely gone!"To which the man replied "I'm not surprised.She's been giving a piece of it to me every day for the past 25 years!"
Was your wife a virgin when you married?
"Was your wife a virgin when you married?""I don't know. Some say yes. Some say no."
An angry husband returned home one night to find his wife...
An angry husband returned home one night to find his wifein bed with a naked man. 'What are you doing' he shouted.To which his wife said to her lover 'See, I told you he was stupid'
She changed me
"Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market," said the man."Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically,"remarked his friend."I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enoughfor me."
<< Prev 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 Next >>