Relationships
Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives...
Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. "Does your wife ever ... well, you know ... does she ... well, let you do it doggie style?" asked one of the two. "Well, not exactly," his friend replied, "She's into the dog trick aspect of it." "Oh, I see. Kinky stuff, huh?" "Well... not exactly. More like she rolls over and plays dead."
Small World
Two men are having an awfully slow round ofgolf because the two ladies in front of themmanaged to get into every sand trap, lake, andrough on the course, and they didn't bother towave the men on through, which is proper golfetiquette.After two hours of waiting and waiting, one mansaid, "I think I'll walk up there and ask thosegals to let us play through." He walked out tothe fairway, got halfway to the ladies, stopped,turned around and came back, explaining, "I can'tdo it. One of those women is my wife and the otheris my mistress. Maybe you'd better go talk to them."The second man walked toward the ladies, go halfwaythere and, just as his partner had done, stopped,turned around and walked back.He smiled sheepishly and said, "Small World!"
A farmer and his girlfriend...
A farmer and his girlfriend were out for a strollin the fields when they came across a cow and acalf rubbing noses."Boy," said the farmer, "that sure makes me want todo the same.""Well, go ahead," said his girlfriend. "It's your cow."
The last request
Father O'Grady was saying his goodbyes to the parishionersafter his Sunday morning service as he always does whenMary Clancey came up to him in tears."What's bothering you so, dear?" inquired Farther O'Grady."Oh, father, I've got terrible news." Replied Mary."Well what is it, Mary?""Well, my husband, passed away last night, Father.""Oh, Mary" said the father, "that's terrible. Tell me Mary,did he have any last requests?""Well, yes he did father," replied Mary."What did he ask, Mary?"Mary replied, "He said, 'Please, Mary, put down the gun...'"
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a womans sex drive by 90 percent.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90 percent. Wedding cake!
She: What do you love most, my natural beauty or my body?
She: What do you love most, my natural beauty or my body?He: Your sense of humor.
What are the three words you do not want to hear while making love?
She: What do you love most, my natural beauty or my body?He: Your sense of humor.
Husband: I do not know why you wear a bra...
Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra, you've got nothing to put in it?Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?
Bill and Bob met at the club for their weekly golf game...
Bill and Bob met at the club for their weekly golf game.And for the third week in a row, it was raining too hard to play.Bill: Well, Bob, what do you want to do now?Bob: Darts?Bill: Nah.Bob: Shoot some pool?Bill: Nah.Bob: Cards?Bill: Nah. Hey, I've got an idea. We can go over to my house andfool around with my wife.Bob: Whadaya mean?Bill: Just what I said. We'll go to my house and we can fool aroundwith my wife.Bob: What about me?Bill: She's a sport. She won't mind at all.Bob: Well... if you think it's okay...Bill: Sure. C'mon, let's go!at Bill's houseBill: Honey, I'm home. Honey. Sweetheart! Damn! She must have goneshopping. Tell ya what, Bob. Let's go to your house!
A fair offer
One day this fellow noticed that a new couple had movedinto the house next door. He was also quick to noticethat the woman liked to sunbathe in the back yard, usuallyin a skimpy bikini that showed off a magnificent pair ofbreasts. He made it a point to water and trim his lawn as muchas possible, hoping for yet another look. Finally, he couldstand it no more. Walking to the front door of the new neighbor'shouse, he knocked and waited. The husband, a large, burly man,opened the door."Excuse me", our man stammered, "but I couldn't help noticing howbeautiful your wife is.""Yeah? So?" his hulking neighbor replied."Well, in particular, I am really struck by how beautiful her breastsare. I would gladly pay you ten thousand dollars if I could kiss thosebreasts."The burly gorilla is about to deck our poor guy when his wife appearsand stops him. She pulls him inside and they discuss the offer for afew moments. Finally, they return and ask our friend to step inside."OK," the husband says gruffly, "for ten thousand dollars you can kissmy wife's tits."At this the wife unbuttons her blouse, and the twin objects of desirehang free at last. Our man takes one in each hand, and proceeds to rubhis face against them in total ecstasy. This goes on for several minutes,until the husband gets annoyed. "Well, come on already, kiss 'em!" hegrowls."I can't" replies our awe-struck hero, still nuzzling away."Why not?" demands the husband, getting really angry now."I don't have ten thousand dollars."
John receives a phone call...
John receives a phone call. "Hello," he answers. The voiceon the ot other end says, "This is Susan. We met a partyabout 3 months ago."John: "Hmm... Susan? about 3 months ago?"Susan: "Yes, it was at Bill's house. After the party you tookme home. On the way we parked and got into the back seat. Youtold me I was a good sport."John: "Oh, yeah! Susan! How are you?"Susan: "I'm pregnant and I'm going to kill myself."John: "Say, you ARE a good sport."
A man and wife entered a...
A man and wife entered a dentist's office.The Wife said, "I want a tooth pulled. Idon't want gas or Novocain because I'm ina terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth asquickly as possible." You're a brave woman said the dentist. Now,show me which tooth it is. The wife turns to her husband and says "Openyour mouth and show the dentist which toothit is, dear."
A married man thought he would give his wife a birthday surprise...
A married man thought he would give his wife a birthdaysurprise by buying her a bra. He entered a ladies shoprather intimidated, but the girls took charge to help him. "What color?" they asked. He settled for white. "How much does it cost?" he asked. "Twenty dollars." "Very good," he thought. All that remained was the size, but he hadn't the faintest idea. "Now sir, are they the size a pair of melons? Coconuts? Grape fruits? Oranges?" "No," he said, "nothing like that." "Come on, sir, think. There must be something your wife's bust resembles."He thought long and hard and then looked up and said, "Have you ever seen a Spaniel's ears?"
What Do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
What Do you tell a woman with two black eyes ? Nothing, you told her twice.
A wife, arriving home from a shopping trip, was horrified to...
A wife, arriving home from a shopping trip, was horrified to find herhusband in bed with a lovely young woman. Just as the wife was aboutto storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words:Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about.Driving along the highway, I saw this young woman looking tired andbedraggled, so I brought her home and made her a meal from the roastbeef you had forgotten in refrigerator. She had only some worn sandalson her feet, so I gave her a pair of good shoes you had discardedbecause they had gone out of style. She was cold so I gave her asweater I bought you for your birthday that you never wore because thecolor did not suit you. Her pants were worn out so I gave her a pairof yours that were perfectly good but too small for you now. Then whenshe was about to leave the house she paused and asked, "Is thereanything else your wife doesn't use any more?"
A man had a flat tire on a very cold winter day...
A man had a flat tire on a very cold winter day. He told his girlfriend he'd have it fixed in no time. However as it was very cold his hands kept getting cold. He askedhis girl if he could put his hands between her knees to warm them. She said that would be allright. After getting his hands warm hewent back to fixing the tire but it was so cold he could notcontinue so he again asked his girl if he could warm his hands.She again said it would be allright. When his hands were warm hewent back to fixing the tire once more. But before he been outthere five minutes or so he again asked her if he could warm hishands.His girl asked "Honey don't your ears ever get cold?"
On the night of a Halloween costume party a couple were having...
On the night of a Halloween costume party a couple were havingtrouble picking suitable outfits. After a while the wife got madand stormed out of the room. Fifteen minutes later she came backcompletely naked execpt for a lemon between her legs. The husband looked at her for a moment and then stormed out ofthe room himself. Twenty minutes passed and then he came backhimself with a potato around his dick.The wife gave him a wierd look and then the husband replied"If your going as a sour-puss, I going as a dictator".
Why is a bride always smiling as she walks down the aisle at her wedding?
Why is a bride always smiling as she walks down the aisle at her wedding? No more blowjobs.
Is this really your third marriage?
Is this really your third marriage? Sure is. What happened to your first two wives? They died.How did your first wife die? She ate some poisonous mushrooms.What about your second wife? She died from a severe skull fracture.How did she get a skull fracture? She wouldn't eat the mushrooms.
A man calls his family doctor...
A man calls his family doctor:man: Doctor, for the last week my wife has thought that she was a rabbit.doctor: Ok, bring her in and I'll try to help.man: Fine, but whatever you do, don't cure her.
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