Politics
Did you hear the latest theory about Monica Lewinsky?
Did you hear the latest theory about Monica Lewinsky?It may never be proven but they think she may be theyoungest woman to have ever held the Presidency.
The FBI finally came back with the DNA results...
The FBI finally came back with the DNA results.Clinton was a perfect match.So was all of Arkansas.
What does Ted Kennedy have that Bill Clinton wishes he had?
What does Ted Kennedy have that Bill Clinton wishes he had?? An ex-wife and a dead girl friend.
One day Clinton goes to the bathroom...
One day Clinton goes to the bathroom, pulls down his pants,and much to his amazement, he finds a red ring around hispenis. So the next day he goes to his physician and the doctorsays, "I cant figure out what it is. So I'll give you some medicine, and if it doesn't work, come back. Ill give yousomething else." So clinton takes the perscription and takes the pills as directed and comes back in 2 weeks. The physician then hands him a different prescription and he comes back in3 weeks this time. Then, instead of giving him a prescriptionhe gives him a small tube-like capsule. The doctor says,"Rub this around the offending circle and come back tomorrow. Clinton returns the next day and starts shouting, "Wow! That stuff wasterriffic doc! What was thast concoction? It worked great!"The docter then calmly replied; Lipstick remover. Sent by Bradley
Whats the difference between Monica and a Soda machine?
Q: Whats the difference between Monica and a Soda machine?A: They both have, "incert Bill"!Sent by Gabriel
What is the difference between the government and the Mafia?
What is the difference between the government and the Mafia? One of them is organized.
If Ted Kennedy, Dan Quayle, Bob Packwood and Bill Clinton...
If Ted Kennedy, Dan Quayle, Bob Packwood andBill Clinton all had a spelling contest, which one would win?Dan Quayle. He's the only one who knows that harass is one word.
A hundred prostitutes in Washington D.C. were asked...
A hundred prostitutes in Washington D.C. were asked if they would ever sleep with President Clinton. 60% said, 'Never again!'
Why is the government like a prostitute?
Why is the government like a prostitute? Your always getting screwed and you have to pay for it!
One day there were these three boys walking down...
One day there were these three boys walking down the street, all of a sudden they heard a yell: 'HELP! HELP!' When the boys got to the noise they saw Bill Clinton in a lake drowning. The three boys saved him from drowning. Bill Clinton asks the first boy how he could ever repay him. The boy said, 'I want a boat.'The second boy said 'I want a truck.' And the third boy said, 'I want three tombstones with arenames all on them.' Bill Clinton said, 'why is that son?' The little boy said, 'because when my Dad finds out that wesaved you, he is going to kill us all!'
News from Washington
WASHINGTON, DC - Frustrated by failed attempts to turn public support away from the president, congress today announced it would begin releasing completely fabricated documents and videotapes on Monday.Speaker Newt Gingrich addressed the press at the Capitol this morning. "We feel that with the release of all the documents from the Starr Inquisition, and the public still supporting the president, we need to take further steps in our neverending goal of overturning the 1992 and 1996 elections. On Monday morning, we will release a diary of President Clinton's in which he claims to have had dinner with Adolf Hitler, Ayatolla Khomeni and Saddam Hussein, and later slept with them in the Lincoln Bedroom. He also claims in the diary, 'Meat is murder, I am a communist, Die Capitalist Die!' We will also release a doctored videotape showing the president strangling a litter of small kittens."A CNN/Newsweek poll following the press conference showed a slight rise in the president's approval rating.
A doctor, an engineer, and a politician...
A doctor, an engineer, and a politician werearguing as to which profession was older. "Well," argued the doctor, "without aphysician mankind could not have survived, so I amsure that mine is the oldest profession." "No," said the engineer, "before life beganthere was complete chaos, and it took an engineerto create some semblance of order from this chaos.So engineering is older." "But," chirped the triumphant politician,"who created the chaos?"
A political man to a woman...
A political man to a woman, "You look beautiful today!!!!"The woman replied, "Thanks, but unfortunately I could not say the same about you.""Sure you could!!" said the political man, "if you could lie as well as I do!"
During a recent publicity outing...
During a recent publicity outing, Hillary sneaked off to visit afortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room,peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news."There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt: Prepareyourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent andhorrible death this year."Visibly shaken, Hillary stared at the woman's lined face, then atthe single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took afew deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. Shemet the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked herquestion:"Will I be acquitted?"
Clinton died and was standing at hte Pearly Gates...
Clinton died and was standing at hte Pearly Gates. After knocking at the gates, St. Peter appeared. "Who goes there?" inquired St. Peter."'It's me, Bill Clinton." "And what do you want?" asked St. Peter. "Lemme in!" replied Clinton."Soooo," pondered Peter. "What bad things did you do on earth?"Clinton thought a bit and answered, "Well, I smoked marijuana but you shouldn't hold that against me because I didn't inhale. I guess I had extra-marital sex -- but you shouldn't hold that against me because I didn't really have 'sexual relations.' And I lied, but I didn't commit perjury."After several moments of deliberation St. Peter replied, "OK, here's the deal. We'll send you someplace where it is very hot, but we won't call it 'Hell.' You'll be there for an indefinite period of time, but we won't call it 'eternity.' And don't abandon all hope' upon entering, just don't hold your breath waiting for it to freeze over."
Why did clinton follow the chicken across the road?
Why did clinton follow the chicken across the road? be\cause, he couldn't get his dick out of its ass.Sent by BL.STEVENS
Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch...
Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch.As they read the menu the waitress comes over and askes Clinton,"Are you ready to order?"Clinton replies, "Yes, I'd like a quickie.""A quickie?!?" the waitress replies. "Sir, given the currentsituation of your personal life I don't think that is a good idea.I'll come back when you are ready to order from the menu."She walks away.Gore leans over to Clinton and says, "It's pronounced Quiche."Sent by Gail
Why did the chicken cross the road? -- Sign of our times
Why did the chicken cross the road?BILL CLINTON: Let me say this one more time.I did not have sexual relations withthat chicken.
Who will you choose?
It is time to elect a world leader and your vote counts.Here's the scoop on the three leading candidates.Candidate A: associates with ward heelers and consultswith astrologists. He's had two mistresses. He chainsmokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.Candidate B: was kicked out of office twice, sleepsuntil noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart ofbrandy every evening.Candidate C: is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian,doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and hasn't hadany illicit affairs.Which of these candidates is your choice??Candidate A is Franklin D. RooseveltCandidate B is Winston ChurchillCandidate C is Adolph HitlerSent by Marina
Bad news and awful news
One morning Bill Clinton wakes up. He looks out side,it had snowed during the night and everything wascovered in snow. He looks down and sees somethingwritten in urine on the lawn it reads"I hope YoU GeT ImPeAcHeD".Bill calls the FBI and says "Someone has written "Ihope you get impeached" in urine on my lawn. For themto write it in the spot it's in they would have had tobe on my deck. Please help me find this criminal."The FBI agrees and comes back a week later. "Well Mr.Clinton we did DNA , urine and handwriting tests. Doyou want to here the bad news or the awful news first."Bill sighs "bad I guess"."The urine belongs to Al Gore" Bill grabs his chest "Oh!Al, my best friend my partner, my vice president...What'sthe awful news?!"The FBI agents look at each other..."The hand writing was Hillary's"
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