Miscellaneous
Mystery Writer
Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?A: She has a checkbook.
Pizza Cutting
Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut itin six or twelve pieces.A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
Frying Pan
Q: How is a blonde like a frying pan?A: You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.
Paralyzing Disease
What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?A: Marriage.
Cross With A Blonde
Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?A1: I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do.A2: Something that when it gives you a blow job, it won't stop until it gets blood.
Signs
Sign on a brake repair shop in Joliet, Illinois, "We stand in front of our work."Sign on a muffler shop in Santa Cruz, "We're the Nobody that Midas brags about."
Innuendo
Q: What does a blonde think an innuendo is?A: An Italian suppository.
Bermuda Triangle
Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?A: They've both swallowed a lot of semen.
Touch-typists
Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?A: The rest are hunt'n peckers.
More Fun
A government study has shown that blondes do have more fun - they just don't remember who with.
Pig Under Her Arm
Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. Shepasses a person who asks, "Where did you get that?"A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
God's Son
A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get to come into Heaven, you have to pass a test.""Oh, No!" she said but Saint Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy."Who was God's son?" said Saint Peter.The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said, "Andy!""That's interesting. . . What made you say that?" said Saint PeterThen She started to sing: "Andy walks with me! Andy talks with me! Andy tells me. . . "
Locked Car
Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger.Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!
Ventriloquist and the Indian
A ventriloquist cowboy walks into town and sees an Indian sitting on his porch. He figures he'll have a little fun...Cowboy: "Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him?"Indian: "Dog no talk."Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?"Dog: "Doin' alright."Indian: shows extreme look of shockCowboy: "Is this Indian your owner?" pointing at Indian.Dog: "Yep"Cowboy: "How does he treat you?"Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."Indian: shows look of disbeliefCowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"Indian: "Horse no talk."Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it going?"Horse: "Cool."Indian: extreme look of shockCowboy: "Is this your owner? "pointing at Indian.Horse: "Yep."Cowboy: "How's he treat you?"Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."Indian: shows total look of amazementCowboy: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"Indian: "Sheep Lie!"
Deer Tracks
Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks."The other blonde looks and says "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks.""No. Those are deer tracks."They keep arguing, and arguing, and one half hour later they were both killed by a train.
Tire Tread Marks
Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".
President Gorbachev
Q: What do a blonde and President Gorbachev have in common?A: They both got fucked by 10 men whilst on holiday.Q2: What's the difference between a blonde and President Gorbachev?A: He knows who the ten men were.
Me and My Boss
When I take a long timeI am slowWhen my boss takes a long timeHe is thorough----------------------------------When I don't do itI am lazyWhen my boss doesn't do itHe is too busy----------------------------------When I do something without being toldI am trying to be smartWhen my boss does the sameThat is initiative----------------------------------When I please my bossI'm ass-kissingWhen my boss pleases his bossHe's co-operating----------------------------------When I do goodMy boss never remembersWhen I do wrongHe never forgets----------------------------------
Long and Hard
Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?A: Grade4.
Learn To Iron
Hubby: As a start I think you should learn to "iron," then we coulddo without the ironing lady.Blonde Wife: Well if you would learn to fuck me properly we could dowithout the gardener.
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