Miscellaneous
The Typical Male Decision Process!
A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money,and then he makes his decision. Which women did he choose? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? Have you made your guess? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? He marries........ ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? The one with the largest breasts!
Here Moosey Moosey.
Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic cow moose costume and learned the mating call of a cow moose.The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull. They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, put on their costume and began to give the moose love call.Before long, their call was answered as a bull came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. When the bull was close enough, the guy in front said, "OK, lets get out and get him."After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, "The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do!?"The guy in the front says, "Well, I'm going to start nibbling grass, but if I were you, I'd brace myself!"
More Wonderments!
If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter? If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon? What do chickens think we taste like? What do people in China call their good plates? What do you call a male ladybug? What hair color do they put on the drivers license of a bald man? When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time it was to set it? Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? How is it possible to have a civil war? If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too? If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry? If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids?" Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkey's and apes? Whose cruel idea was it for the word lisp to have a "s" in it? If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
Some quick thinking!
A man and a woman meet at bar one day and are getting along really well. They decide to go back to the woman's house where they engage in passionate love making.The woman suddenly cocks her ear and says, "Quick my husband just got home, go hide in the bathroom!" So the man runs into the bathroom.Her husband comes up into the bedroom and looks at her. "Why are you naked?" he asks."Well, I heard you pull up outside, so I thought I would come up here and get ready to recieve you.""Okay." the man replies "I'll go get ready."He goes into the bathroom before his wife can stop him and sees a naked man standing there clapping his hands."Who the hell are you?!" the man asks."I'm from the exterminator company, your wife called me in to get rid of the moths you are having problems with."The husband exclaims, "But you are naked!"The man then looks down and jumps back in surprise, and says... "Those little bastards!"
Dallas Cowboy put-downs galore!
Q: What do you call 47 people sitting around a TV watching the Playoffs? A: The Dallas CowboysQ: How many players did the Cowboys dress for their last game? A: 22. The rest dressed themselves.Q: What's Jerry Jones' biggest concern? A: Does bail money count against the salary cap?Q: What do you call a drug ring in Dallas? A: A huddle.Q: Four Dallas Cowboys are in a car. Who's driving? A: The police.Q: Why can't Michael Irvin get into a huddle on the field anymore? A: It is a parole violation for him to associate with known Felons.I understand Chicago is trying to sign Michael Irvin. They got rid of the refrigerator and now they want a coke machine.The Dallas newspapers reported yesterday that Texas Stadium is going to take out the artificial turf because the Cowboys play better on "grass".The Dallas Cowboys adopted a new "Honor System". Yes, your Honor, No, your Honor.The Cowboys had a 8 and 8 season this year. 8 arrests, 8 convictions.The Cowboys knew they had to do something for their defense, so they hired a new defensive coordinator; Johnny Cochran.Q: What's the difference between a Cowboys fan and a baby? A: Eventually the baby stops whining.A woman in Dallas calls911. When the officer answers the phone the woman is hysterical and tells the cop that a man has just broken into her home and she thinks he intends to rape her. The officer explain that they are just extremely busy at the moment and tells her "Just get the guy's jersey number and we'll get back to you."
The Contest! (Very long, Very adult)
Contest: Beer vs. PussyA beer is always wet. A pussy needs encouragement. Advantage: Beer.A beer tastes horrible served hot. A pussy tastes better served hot. Advantage: Pussy.Having an ice cold beer makes you satisfied. Having an ice cold pussy makes you married. Advantage: Beer.Beers have commercials making fun of skunky ones. Pussy does not. Advantage: Draw.If you get a hair in your teeth consuming pussy, you are not disgusted. Advantage: Pussy24 beers come in a box. A pussy is a box you can come in. Advantage: Pussy.Too much head makes you mad at the person giving you a beer. Advantage: Pussy.If a beer is brewed with yeast, it is still edible. Advantage: Beer.If you come home smelling like beer, The Woman may get mad. If you come home smelling like pussy - you're dead. Advantage: Beer.6 beers in a night and you better not drive. 6 pussies in a night and you have done all the driving you need. Advantage: PussyToo much beer and you get fat. Toom much pussy and it makes you poor. Advantage: DrawIt is socially acceptable to have a beer in the stands at a football game. You are a legend if you have a pussy in the stands at a football game. Advantage: PussyIf a cop smells beer on your breath, you are going to get a breathalyzer. If a cop smells pussy on your breath, you are going to get a high five! Advantage: PussyWith beer, bigger is better. Advantage: beer.If you think all day about the next pussy you will have, you are normal. If you think all day about your next beer, you are an alcoholic. Advantage: PussyPeeling labels off of beers is fun. Peeling panties off of pussy is more fun. Advantage: PussyIf you suddenly drop a beer, it may break. If you suddenly drop a pussy, it may hunt you down like the dog you are. Advantage: Beer.If you change to another beer, your old brand will gladly have you back. Advantage: beer.The best pussy you have ever had is not gone once you have enjoyed it. Advantage: Pussy.The worst pussy you have ever had is not gone once you have enjoyed it. Advantage: Beer.Bad beer: Schlitz, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Old Swill. Bad pussy: Roseanne, Janet Reno, Madeline Albright, Dana Doran Advantage: DrawGood beer: Guinness, Sam Adams, New Castle. Good pussy: Almost all but the above. Advantage: Pussy.The government taxes beer. Advantage: Pussy.It's a close call, but the numbers never lie. Advantage: Pussy.
Is that your final answer?
A husband and wife are getting ready to go to bed.The husband says, "I thought we'd have sex tonight."The wife replies, "No, I'm too tired tonight."The husband says, "Is that your final answer?"The wife says, "Yes, it is, thank you."The husband says, "OK, then, I'd like to phone a friend."
Human Resources Memo!
TO: All Employees FROM: Human ResourcesIt has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their coworkers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will be no longer tolerated. We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with coworkers.Therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late. INSTEAD OF: And when the fuck do you expect me to do this?TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible. INSTEAD OF: No fucking way.TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project. INSTEAD OF: It's not my fucking problem.TRY SAYING: That's interesting. INSTEAD OF: What the fuck?TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that. INSTEAD OF: Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues. INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his ass.TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment. INSTEAD OF: Fuck it, I'm on salary.TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand. INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your ass.TRY SAYING: I love a challenge. INSTEAD OF: This job sucks.TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that? INSTEAD OF: Who the hell died and made you boss?TRY SAYING: I see. INSTEAD OF: Blow me.TRY SAYING: Yes, we really should discuss it. INSTEAD OF: Another fucking meeting!TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive. INSTEAD OF: He's a prick. TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter. INSTEAD OF: She's a ball-busting bitch.TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training. INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the fuck you're doing.TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it? INSTEAD OF: Kiss my ass.
Can you pay the bill?
A man was brought to the hospital, and taken quickly in for emergency surgery. The operation went well, and as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed."Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," said the nun, gently patting his hand. "We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?""No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely. "Can you pay in cash?" persisted the nun. "I'm afraid I cannot, Sister." "Well, do you have any close relatives?" the nun essayed. "Just my sister in New York," he volunteered. "But she's a spinster nun.""Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not 'spinsters;' they are married to God.""Really...wonderful," said Smith. "In that case, you can send the bill to my brother-in-law!
Once upon a time!
Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, the princess. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt.No matter what; metal, wood,plastic - anything she touched would melt! Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter? He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured."The king was overjoyed. The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth. Three young princes took up the challenge.The first prince brought a very hard alloy of titanium. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly.The second prince brought a huge diamond, thinking that diamond is the hardest substance in the world and will not melt. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. He too went away disappointed.The third prince approached. He told the princess, "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there." The princess did as she was asked, though she turned red. She felt something hard. She held it in her hand. And it did not melt!!!The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed. And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.Question: What was the object in the prince's pants?(Scroll down for the answer.) x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x xThey were M&M's!!! - (get your mind out of the gutter !!) Everyone knows they melt in your mouth, not in your hand!
Signs you may be a Canadian.
Here's some sure signs you may be a Canadian...You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk" You understand, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine." You know what it means to be on 'pogey'. You know that "a mickey" and "2-4's" mean "Party at the cabin, eh!!" You don't hold your hand on your breast when you sing the national anthem. You can drink legally while still a 'teen'. You don't give a hoot about the fuss with Cuba, it's just a cheap place to travel to and has good cigars. You're not sure if the leader of our nation has EVER had sex and don't want to know if he has! You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs. You know that Mounties "don't always look like that." You know that Canada is the only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground. You dismiss all beers under 6% alcohol content as "for children and the elderly, and for export to the US". You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada. You believe "the Canadian Conspiracy" should have won an Oscar. You laugh afterward at some U.S. citizens' lack of knowledge of Canadian geography, but you are too polite to correct them. You design your Hallowe'en costume to fit over a snowsuit. You have more miles on your snowblower than your car. You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons. You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car. At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant. You frequently clean grease off your barbeque so the bears won't prowl on your deck. The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
Some useful bits of info!
Bits of information to help you through the day:If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. (In my next life I want to be a pig!)Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Still not over that pig thing!)Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (Is that why Flipper was always smiling? And, why isn't the pig included here?)The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmm.....)The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated. From drinking little bottles of...?) (Did the gov't pay for this research??)Polar bears are left handed. (I'm sure glad somebody found that out!)A cockroach will live nine days without it's head, before it starves to death. ( So my ex-husband WAS a cockroach after all!)The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. ("Honey, I'm home! What the....")Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (In my next life I still want to be a pig... quality over quantity!)Butterflies taste with their feet. (hmmm...chocolate...doh!...not chocolate, not chocolate! BAD DOG!)An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.)Starfish don't have any brains. (...and are now employed at JokesGalore.com!)Remember, when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown. BUT, it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and smack the jerk upside the head.
How to Shower like a Man!
How To Shower Like A Man:1 - Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.2 - Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the "woo" sound.3 - Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror, scratch your "privates" and smell your fingers for one last whiff.4 - Get in the shower.5 - Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one).6 - Wash your face.7 - Wash your armpits.8 - Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.9 - Wash your privates and surrounding area.10 - Wash your butt, leaving hair on the soap bar.11 - Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).12 - Make a shampoo Mohawk.13 - Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.14 - Pee (in the shower).15 - Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time.16 - Partially dry off.17 - Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire wiener size again.18 - Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.19 - Leave bathroom fan and light on.20 - Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, grab your wiener, go "Yeah baby" and thrust your pelvis at her.21 - Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.
Ballerina
What did the ballerina do when she hurt her foot?She called the toe truck!
Condom Education.
A father and his son go into the grocery store when they happen upon the condom aisle. The son asks his father why there are so many different boxes of condoms.The father replies, "Well, you see that 3 pack? That's for when you're in high school. You have 2 for Friday night and 1 for Saturday night."The son then asks his father, "Well what's the 6 pack for?" The father replies, "Well, that's for when you're in college. You have 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday morning.Then the son asks his father what the 12 pack is for. The father replies, "Well, that's for when you're married... You have one for January, one for February, one for March..."
Fart, farts everywhere!
An elderly lady goes into the doctor and tells him - "Doctor, I don't know what the problem is, but I've been farting all the time. It's not really a problem socially because they don't make any noise and don't smell. I just can't stop farting all the time. In fact while I've been in here I must have farted at least 20 times."The doctor nods and gives her some pills. "Here take these for two weeks and come see me again when you are done."So she takes the pills and returns two weeks later as instructed. Infuriated, she confronted the doctor. "What kind of medicine is this? I'm still farting just as much? They still don't make any noise, but now they stink terribly!"The doctor nodded, "It's alright, now that we have your sinus' cleared up, we'll work on your hearing next!"
Actual excuse notes to teachers!
*** These are actual excuse notes teachers have received, spelling mistakes included. ***My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also33.Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear.Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.
Computers: Male or Female?
A language instructor was explaining to her class that French nouns, unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine.Things like 'chalk' or 'pencil,' she described, would have a gender association although in English these words were neutral. Puzzled, one student raised his hand and asked, "What gender is a computer?"The teacher wasn't certain which it was,and so divided the class into two groups and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. One group was comprised of the women in the class, and the other, of men. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in masculine gender because:1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because:1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories.
Snow shoveler's diary. (LONG JOKE)
DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELERDecember 8:6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window, watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!December 9:We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!December 12:The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad he's our neighbor.December 14:Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to *20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.December 15:20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.December 16:Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.December 17:Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.December 20:Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. freakin' snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.December 22:Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the asshole is lying.December 23:Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she...nuts??? Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's damn well lying.December 24:6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for the freakin' snowplow.December 25:Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the @#$%^& slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to kill her.December 26:Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.December 27:Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.December 28:Warmed up to above-50. Still snowed in. THE BITCH is driving me crazy!!!December 29:10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave-in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?December 30:Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars for the bump on his head. The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.December 31:Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling!January 8:I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
The Rules Of Bedroom Golf!
***The Rules Of Bedroom Golf!***1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play - normally one club and two balls.2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft.Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessaryuntil the course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course with special attention to well formed bunkers.8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played , or are currently playing, to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage players equipment for this reason.9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own protection.10. Players should ensure themselves that their match has beenproperly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing on what they considered to be a private course.11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at alltimes. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the courseto be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternative means of play when this is the case.12. The course owner is responsible for manicuring and pruning any bush around the hole to allow for improved viewing of,alignment with, and approach to the hole.13. Players are advised to obtain the course owners permissionbefore attempting to play the back nine.14. Slow play is encouraged. However, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course owners request.15. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.
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