Ethnic
Why Jewish women like Chinese food so much
The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact that WonTon spelled backwards is Not Now.
Why don't Jewish mothers drink?
Why don't Jewish mothers drink?Alcohol interferes with their suffering.
Three Chinese daughters
A Chinese man had three daughters; he asked his eldest daughter what kind of man she would like to marry."I would like to marry a man with three dragons on his chest", said the eldest daughter. He then asked his second daughter whom she would like to marry. "I would like to marry a man with two dragons on his chest", said the second daughter. He finally asked his youngest daughter whom she would like to marry. "I would like to marry a man with one draggin' on the ground", said the youngest daughter.
Two men and one woman
Long, but pretty good:On a group of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are suddenly stranded by, as you might expect, a shipwreck: 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman 2 French men and 1 French woman 2 German men and 1 German woman 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman 2 English men and 1 English woman 2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman 2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman 2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman 2 American men and 1 American woman 2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman One month later on these same absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred ... One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman. The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage-a-trois. The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them. The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman. The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the endless ocean, another long look at the Bulgarian woman, and started swimming. The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions. The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, a liquor store, a restaurant and a laundry, and have got the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their stores. The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide because the American woman endlessly complains about her body; the true nature of feminism; how she can do everything they can do; the necessity of fulfillment; the equal division of household chores; how sand and palm trees make her arse look fat; how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do; how her relationship with her mother is improving and how at least the taxes are low and it isn't raining. The two Irish men have divided the island into North and South and setup a distillery. They don't remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few liters of coconut whisky. But they're satisfied because at least the English aren't having any fun.
A Jewish couple, are sitting together on an airplane flying...
A Jewish couple, are sitting together on an airplane flying to the Far East. Over the public address system, the Captain announces: "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Ourengines have ceased functioning, and this plane will be going down momentarily. Luckily, I see an island below us that should be able to accommodate our landing. This island appears to be uncharted; I amunable to find it on our maps. So the odds are that we will never berescued and will have to live on the island for a very long time, if notfor the rest of our lives. A few minutes later the plane lands safely onthe island, whereupon Morris turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, didwe pay our pledge to the Yeshiva yet?" No Morris!" she responded.Morris smiles, then asks, "Esther, did we pay our UJA pledge?" "Oy no, I forgot to send the check!!" Now Morris laughs. "One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send our TempleBuilding Fund check this month?" "Oy Morris I forgot that one too!" Now Morris is practically choking with laughter. Esther asks Morris,"So what are you smiling and laughing about?Morris responds, "They'll find us."
All the same
An airplane takes off from the airport. The Captain is Jewish and the First Officer is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and it's obvious, by the silence, that they don't get along. After thirty minutes, the Jewish Captain mutters: "I don't like Chinese." The First Officer replies: "Oooooh, no like Chinese? Why dat?" "Your people bombed Pearl Harbor. That's why I don't like Chinese." "Nooooo, noooo, Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah. That Japanese, not Chinese." "Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese... it doesn't matter, you're all alike." Another thirty minutes of silence. Finally, the First Officer says: "No like Jew." "Why not? Why don't you like Jews?" "Jews sink Titanic." "The Jews didn't sink the Titanic. It was an iceberg." "Iceberg, Goldberg, Rosenberg, Spielberg; no mattah ... all da same."Sent by Renata
Greatest way to learn English
Mullah Nasrudin, wisest man in Islam, entered England of a visit."Do you have anything to declare?" asked the customs inspector."No -- sssssst, bzzz - nothing at all.""How long do you plan to stay?""Oh, about -- ssssssssszzzzt, bzzz -- about three weeks.""By the way, where did you learn English?""From the -- bzzz, bzzz, sszzzzzzzzbzzz -- radio."
The right way to ask a question
A Jewish guy in a London hotel calls the operator and asks, in broken English with a heavy Lithuanian-Yiddish accent, for number 266418. A short time later, someone knocks, and when he opens the door he sees2 beautiful and sexy girls who asked him: Have you ordered 2 shikses for one night?
Typical jewish mother
My mother is a typical Jewish mother.Once she was on jury duty. . .They sent her home. She insisted SHE was guilty.
A historical example
A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father,who was a rabbi, if they could discuss his use of the family car. Hisfather took him into his study and said, "I'll make a deal with you. Youbring your grades up, study your Talmud a little, get your hair cut andthen we'll talk about it."After about a month, the boy came back and again asked his father ifthey could discuss his use of the car. They again went into the father'sstudy where the father said - "Son, I've been very proud of you. You havebrought your grades up, you've studied the Talmud diligently, but you didn't get your hair cut." The young man waited a moment and then replied, "You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair." The rabbi said, "Yes, and everywhere they went, they walked.
An unfortunate situation
A lovely young Jewish girl was employed by a clothing firm in NewYork.She and her widowed mother shared the same ambition: marriage to awealthy man. One day she returned from work, eyes red from crying. As soon as she entered the apartment she called, "MAMA, I'm pregnant!Don't get excited. The father is my boss." She began to sob uncontrollablywhile her mother tried to console her. The next morning, the mothercharged into the office of the boss. "YOU," she shouted, "What'sgoing to be?"The elegantly attired man, handsome and unmarried and in his midthirties, held up his hand: "Please take a seat, Mrs. Horowitz. I'mmaking all the arrangements. Your daughter will have the best doctormoney can buy before the baby is born. She'll be in the best hospital.And afterward, I am arranging for a trust fund for her where she willreceive a check for twenty five hundred dollars a week." The mother wastaken aback and thought for a moment."Tell me," she said, "God forbid, she should have a miscarriage, will you give her another chance?"
What did the Jewish pedophile ask the little girl?
What did the Jewish pedophile ask the little girl? - "Hey, little girl, you want to buy some candy?"
What is long, black, and smelly?
What is long, black, and smelly? - The unemployment line.
What do true rednecks do on Halloween?
What do true rednecks do on Halloween? - Pump kin.
It was obvious
After months of negotiation with the authorities, aTalmudist from Odessa was granted permission to visitMoscow. He boarded the train and found an empty seat.At the next stop a young man got on and sat next tohim. The scholar looked at the young man and thought:This fellow doesn't look like a peasant, and if heisn't a peasant he probably comes from this district.If he comes from this district, then he must be Jewishbecause this is, after all, a Jewish district. On theother hand, if he is a Jew, where could he be going?I'm the only Jew in our district who has permission totravel to Moscow. Ahh? But just outside Moscow thereis a little village called Samvet, and Jews don't needspecial permission to go there. But why would he begoing to Samvet? He's probably going to visit one ofthe Jewish families there, but how many Jewishfamilies are there in Samvet? Only two - theBernsteins and the Steinbergs. The Bernsteins are aterrible family, and a nice looking fellow like himmust be visiting the Steinbergs. But why is he going?The Steinbergs have only daughters, so maybe he'stheir son-in-law. But if he is, then which daughterdid he marry? They say that Sarah married a nicelawyer from Budapest, and Esther married a businessmanfrom Zhitomer, so it must be Sarah's husband. Whichmeans that his name is Alexander Cohen, if I'm notmistaken. But if he comes from Budapest, with all theanti-Semitism they have there, he must have changedhis name. What's the Hungarian equivalent of Cohen?Kovacs. But if they allowed him to change his name, hemust have some special status. What could it be? Adoctorate from the University for sure. At this pointthe scholar turns to the young man and says, "How doyou do, Dr. Kovacs?" "Very well, thank you, sir." answered the startledpassenger. But how is it that you know my name?" "Oh," replied the Talmudist, "it was obvious."
A Jewish Mother
Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight? You're going out? Yes. With whom? With a friend. I don't know why you left your husband. He is such a good man. I didn't leave him. He left me! You let him leave you, and now you go out with anybodies and nobodies. I do not go out with anybody. Can I bring over the kids? I never left you to go out with anybody except your father. There are lots of things that you did and I don't. What are you hinting at? Nothing. I just want to know if I can bring the kids over tonight. You're going to stay the night with him? What will your husband say if he finds out? My EX husband. I don't think he would be bothered. From the day he left me, he probably never slept alone! So you're going to sleep over at this loser's place? He's not a loser. A man who goes out with a divorced woman with children is a loser and a parasite. I don't want to argue. Should I bring over the kids or not? Poor children with such a mother. Such as what? With no stability. No wonder your husband left you. ENOUGH !!! Don't scream at me. You probably scream at this loser too! Now you're worried about the loser? Ah, so you see he's a loser. I spotted him immediately. Goodbye, mother. Wait! Don't hang up! When are you bringing them over? I'm not bringing them over! I'm not going out! If you never go out, how do you expect to meet anyone?
What do Germans use for birth control?
What do Germans use for birth control?Their personalities!
There was this Eskimo girl who spent the night...
There was this Eskimo girl who spent the night with her boyfriend and nextmorning found out that she was six months pregnant.
Did you hear about the spanish fireman...
Did you hear about the spanish fireman who named his sone Hose A and Hose B?
What did the German clockmaker say to the clock...
What did the German clockmaker say to the clock that only went 'tick, tick,tick'?'Ve haff vays of making you tock!'
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