Ethnic
Why do some people take an instant aversion to banjo players?
Q: Why do some people take an instant aversion to banjo players?A: It saves time in the long run.
Why do Southern guys go to family reunions?
Q: Why do Southern guys go to family reunions?A: To meet chicks.
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Q: Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?A: Mace.
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?A: Kick his sister in the jaw.
Jewish view on when life begins
Jewish view on when life begins: There's a big controversyon when life begins. In Jewish tradition the fetus is notconsidered viable until after it graduates from medical school.
Looking for a monkey wrench
An old farmer is driving down a country road in his pickup truck whenit starts making an awful noise. He stops the truck and crawlsunderneath to investigate the problem."Hmmm...muffler's loose. I bet I could fix that if I had a MonkeyWrench." He says.He crawls out from underneath the truck and looks down the road. Offin the distance he sees a small house. There is a black woman andseveral small black children playing in the yard.The Farmer yells to her "Hey Miss, do you happen to have MonkeyWrench?""What?" She yells back."A Monkey Wrench!!?" He screams."What?""MONKEY WRENCH!!?...MONKEY WRENCH!!?""Naw, this ain't no Monkey Ranch, its a Day Care Center!"
How many Serbs does in take to change a Lighbulb?
How many Serbs does in take to change a Lighbulb?It doesn't matter..Theres a Blackout!
Two Amish women were out picking potatoes in the field...
Two Amish women were out picking potatoes in the field when one of them picked up two huge potatoes and said "These potatoes remind me of Emil's balls""Are they that big?" asked the other."No they're this dirty."
Irish math
There's these four Irishmen in a bar, all drinking Guinness. One of them is looking rather puzzled, so another turns to him and asks him what's the matter.1st Irishman: Well, I was just trying to remember what 2 plus 2 is.2nd Irishman: Oh, that's easy, it's 147.1st Irishman: No no no, that can't be right. How about you, Fergus, do you know what 2 plus 2 is?3rd Irishman: Hmmm ... could it be Wednesday, perhaps?1st Irishman: No no no, that doesn't sound right either. How about you Pat, do you know?4th Irishman: Simple, the answer is 4.1st Irishman: Of course! How did you work it out?!4th Irishman: Aha, that's where brains come in! I subtracted 147 from Wednesday!
A real calamity
O'Connell was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg."Please, God," he implored, "let it be blood!"
Two bags
Mr. Goldfarb was walking down the street. In each arm he carried a bag. He ran into Mr. Klein. Mr. Klein asked, "What are those bags for?""I'm collecting for Israel", said Mr. Goldfarb."You need two bags?", asked Mr. Klein."I've got a system, said Mr. Goldfarb. It's fantastic. I go into the men's room. I pull out a knife and hold it up. Then I say, 'Give for Israel or get a circumcision.' It works. I have forty thousand dollars in this bag."What do you have in the other bag?", inquired Mr. Klein."Oh, well, not everybody gives."
How do a jewish couple have oral sex?
How do a jewish couple have oral sex?... "SET AT OPPOSITE ENDS OF THE BED AND YELL SCREW YOU TO ONE AND OTHER"Sent by Ivan
One day there was an indian chief who was constipated...
One day there was an indian chief who was constipated. he sent one of hiswarriors to the witch doctor to get some medicine. The warrior says "BigChief, no shit". the doctor gave him 1 pill and told him that the chiefshould be fine tomorrow.The warrior went back to the chief and gave him the pill. the next morningthe warrior was sent back to the witch doctor and says "big chief, no shit". the doctor gives him five pills and tells him to give them to the chief.The next day the warrior appears at the witch doctor's house yet againsaying "big chief, no shit". the doctor gets annoyed and so gives thewarrior the whole bottle of pills to give to the chief.The next day the warrior goes back to the witch doctor (AGAIN):"Big shit, no chief".
Two Polish guys went away on their annual hunting expedition...
Two Polish guys went away on their annual hunting expedition, andby accident one was shot by the other. His worried companion gothim out of the deep woods, into the car, and off to the nearesthospital."Well, Doc," he inquired anxiously, "is he going to make it?" "It's tough," said the doctor. "He'd have a better chance if youhadn't gutted him first."
Why do New Zealanders have sex with sheep on the...
Q: Why do New Zealanders have sex with sheep on the edge of mountains?A: So they push back harder.
Where do you find 60 million french jokes?
Q: Where do you find 60 million french jokes?A: In France.
There were these three blokes sitting on the high cliffs...
There were these three blokes sitting on the high cliffs of a lonely beach, with a rope going down into the surf and a Chinaman frantically trying to climb up.While they were sitting there a Priest walks along, looks over and says, "God bless you children, that's Christianity at work. May the lord bless you both," and then kept on walking.One bloke looks at the other, "Who the fuck was that?" "Oh," said the other bloke, "that's Father Johnston. He knows all there is about the bible."The other bloke looked around and quickly says, "Well he knows fuck all about shark fishing."
A girl sat sobbing in the police station...
A girl sat sobbing in the police station. "I was raped by an Italian."She wailed."How do you know it was an Italian? The detective asked."I had to help him," the girl replied.
What happened to the Irishman who tried to kill...
Q: What happened to the Irishman who tried to kill himself by?.swallowing 100 pain killers?A: After two he began to feel better.
Why did the Jews wander in the desert for forty years?
Q: Why did the Jews wander in the desert for forty years?A: Somebody dropped a shekel.
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