Ethnic
Giuseppi walks into work, and he says...
Giuseppi walks into work, and he says, "Ey, Tony! You know who's-a George Washington?"Tony says, "No, Giuseppi, who's-a George Washington?"He says, "Hah! George-a Washington's the first-a President of-a United States. I'm-a go to night school, learn all about-a United States, and become-a U.S.-a citizen."A couple of days later, Giuseppi walks into work and says. "Ey, Tony, you know who's-a Abraham Lincoln?"Tony says, "No, Giuseppi, who's-a Abraham Lincoln?"He says, "Hah! Abaham-a Lincoln is-a sixteenth President of-a the United States. I'm-a go to night school, learn all about-a United States, and become-a U.S.-a citizen."A guy in the back of the shop yells, "Yo, Giuseppi . . . you know who Fishlips Lorenzo is?"He says, "No. Who's-a Fishlips Lorenzo is?"The guy yells, "That's the guy who's bangin' your wife while you're in night school."
A bus conversation
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves andengage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind themignores their conversation at first, but her attention isgalvanized when she hears one of the men saying the following;"Emma come first. Denna I come. Two asses, they come together.I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come againand pee twice. Denna I come once-a more.""You fowl-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "Inthis country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"Hey, coola down lady," said the man, "Imma justa tellun myfriend howa to spella Mississippi."
If a couple from Tennessee get a legal divorce...
If a couple from Tennessee get a legal divorce, can they still be brother and sister?
What is the last thing you usually hear before...
What is the last thing you usually hear before a redneck dies? 'Hey y'all... Watch this!'
A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau...
A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day when she looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously. So the journalist goes down and introduces herself to the old man. She asks: "You come every day to the wall. How long have you done that and what are you praying for?"The old man replies, "I have come here to pray every day for 25 years. In the morning I pray for world peace and then for the brotherhood of man. I go home have a cup of tea and I come back and pray for the eradication of illness and disease from the earth."The journalist is amazed. "How does it make you feel to come here every day for 25 years and pray for these things?" she asks.The old man looks at her sadly. "Like I'm talking to a wall."
With a puzzled look on his face...
With a puzzled look on his face an Indian boy asked,"Say, mom, why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm?" She told him, "Because he was conceived during a mighty storm." Then he asked, "Why is my sister named Cornflower?" She replied, "Well, your father and I were in a cornfield whenwe made her." "And why is my other sister called Moonchild?" "We were watching the moon landing while she was conceived.",She explained. The Mother Indian paused for a moment thenasked her son, "Tell me, Torn Rubber, why are you so curious?"
A Scottish lad and lass were sitting together on a heathery hill...
A Scottish lad and lass were sitting together on a heathery hillin the Highlands. They had been silent for a while; then the lasssaid, "A penny for your thoughts." The lad was a bit abashed, buthe finally said, "Well, I was thinkin' how nice it would be ifye'd give me a wee bit of a kiss." So she did so. But he againlapsed into a pensive mood which lasted long enough for the lassto ask him, "What arre ye thinkin' now?" To which the lad replied: "Well, I was hopin' ye hadn't forgot the penny!"
What is the definition of a Jewish nyphomaniac?
What's the definition of a Jewish nyphomaniac? One that screws when she's just had her hair done.
What is a Jewish American Princesses idea of kinky sex?
What's a Jewish American Princess's idea of kinky sex? She moves.
The three survivors of the shipwreck...
The three survivors of the shipwreck were being driven mad by hunger.The Irishman, an expert navigator, told the others that if they couldrow the lifeboat for three more days they could make landfall.The Pole, the ship's doctor, said that they could not possibly lastthat long, that there was only one solution to the problem and thatone of them would have to sacrifice themselves for the good of the others.The Englishman, the captain, said that he quite understood and that hewould volunteer as he should have gone down with the ship anyway.After saying an emotional farewell to his crewmen, the captain jumpedoverboard and sank without trace.
What is the difference between a black and a white fairy tale?
What's the difference between a black and a white fairy tale?A white one starts off with "Once upon a time...".A black one starts off with "Yo ass ain't gonna believe dis shit..."
Why do not Mexicans teach drivers Ed...
Why don't Mexicans teach driver's Ed. and Sex Education on the same day? Because they don't want to wear out the donkey.
Why does the University of Tennesse football...
Why does the University of Tennesse footballteam wear orange to all their Saturday games? So that they can wear the same outfit to go hunting on Sunday, and to work on Monday.
How do you sink a Polish submarine?
How do you sink a Polish submarine? You knock on the door.
Why do Scottsmen wear kilts?
Why do Scottsmen wear kilts?The sound of the zipper scares the sheep.Sent by Lou
An old italian couple is walking around in the mall...
An old italian couple is walking around in the mall. Aftera while they get separated so the woman goes up to the first saleswoman she sees and ask: "Escusa me, have you senn-a me Tony. He's got a big-a belly and a-lots of curly black hair?" The saleswoman answers that she hasn't seen her husband.So the Italian woman goes to aks another saleswoman: "Escusa me, have you senn-a me Tony. He's got a big-a belly and a-lots of curly black hair?" "No, I'm sorry maam, I haven't seen your husband."The Italian woman goes to see one more saleswoman and ask: "Escusa me, have you senn-a me Tony. He's got a big-a belly and a-lots of curly black hair?" The saleswoman answers: "Yes I saw him, he ran out of here lickety split."To which the Italian woman answers: "No no no, that's not-a my tony, he pinch-a the bum, grab-a the breasts but he no lickety split!"
An old Jewish man is talking long-distance to California...
An old Jewish man is talking long-distance to California when all of a sudden he gets cut off. He hollers, "Operator, giff me beck the party!"She says, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to make the call all over again."He says, "What do you want from my life? Giff me beck da party."She says, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to place the call again."He says, "Operator, ya know vat? Take da telephone and shove it in you-know-vere!" And he hangs up.Two days later he opens the door and there are two big, strapping guys standing there who say, "We came to take your telephone out."He says, "Vy?"They say, "Because you insulted Operator 28 two days ago. But if you'd like to call up and apologize, we'll leave the telephone here."He says, "Vait a minute, vat's da rush, vat's da hurry?" He goes to the telephone and dials. "Hello? Get me Operator 28. Hello, Operator28? Remember me? Two days ago I insulted you? I told you to take da telephone and shove it in you-know-vere?"She says, "Yes?"He says, "Vell, get ready -- dey're bringin' it to ya!"
Detective report
A man suspected his wife of seeing another man.So, he hired a famous Chinese detective,Ram Pam Sim Wimm, to watch and report anyactivities that might develop. A few days later,he received this report: Most honorable sir: You leave house. He come house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. He and she get on train. I follow. He and she go in hotel. I climb tree-look in window. He kiss she. She kiss he. He strip she. She strip he. He play with she. She play with he. I play with me. Fall out of tree, not see. No Fee.Sent by Marina
Southerners are not that stupid
A ventriloquist working down South, is confronted by atheater patron during his show. The hick stands up andyells, "HEY YOU! ON STAGE! You been making smart-assremarks about us southerners being stupid all night long!We're not all stupid ya know!""Relax," said the ventriloquist, "They're just jokes!""Shut up, buddy," the hick replied, "I'm talking to thatlittle bastard sitting on your knee!"
How do you tell if an Arkansas girl is old enough to marry?
Q: How do you tell if an Arkansas girl is old enough to marry? A: Make her stand in a barrel. If her chin is over the top, she's old enough.If it isn't, cut the barrel down a bit.
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