Celebrities
Solve the riddle
Schwarzenegger has a big one,Michael J. Fox has a small one,Madonna doesn't have one,The POPE has one but doesn't use it,Clinton uses his all the time,Mickey Mouse has an unusual one,George Burns' was hot,Liberace NEVER used his on women,Jerry Seinfeld is very very proud of his,We never saw Lucy use Desi'swhat is it?A last name....... Were you thinking of something else?
Michael Jackson and the doctor...
Michael Jackson and the doctor are walking outof the delivery room after his wife gives birthto their son. Michael says, "How long before wecan have sex?"The doctor says, "At least wait until he's walking."
What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?A: One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with....the other is used to carry groceries.
I recently had surgery on my hand, and asked the doctor...
I recently had surgery on my hand, and asked the doctor if,after surgery, I would be able to play the banjo. He said, "I'm doing surgery on your hand, not giving you a lobotomy."
What is blonde, has six legs, and roams...
Q: What is blonde, has six legs, and roams Michael Jackson'sdreams every night??A: Hansons.
Good news and bad news
The McCartney kids are at the family ranch anxiouslyawaiting news of their mother. Paul emerges from his wife's bedroom. "Kid's......there's good news and bad news." "The bad news is your mother's strength and will tolive has been sucked away by her awful disease and shedied a few moments ago" "The good news is.... It's steak and chips for dinner!"
A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter...
A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter.Mother: "What does the cow say?"Child: "Moooo!"Mother: "Great! What does the cat say?"Child: "Meow."Mother: "Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?" And this wide-eyed little three-year-old looked up at her mother and replied, "Bud."
Stick your tongue out...
Stick your tongue out.Move it up and down.Relax.Now move it left and right.Well done! You have now completed Christopher Reeves workout video.
Do the math
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.She called on him and said, "Johnny! what are 4, 2, 28 and 44?"Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"
A man lay sprawled across three entire seats...
A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?" "Sam," the man moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" With pain in his voice Sam replied "the balcony." Sent by Zena
What's got 400 legs and no pubic hair?
Q: What's got 400 legs and no pubic hair?A: The front row of a Hanson concert
What's stiff and excites women?
Q: What's stiff and excites women?A: Elvis Presley.
Why can't the government put Magic Johnson on a stamp?
Why can't the government put Magic Johnson on a stamp? Everyone would be afraid to lick it.
What did Michael Jackson say when his cock...
Q: What did Michael Jackson say when his cock slid in the little boys arse?A: There is a great musician in you.
What's O. J. Simpson's Internet address?
Q. What's O. J. Simpson's Internet address? A. Slash, slash, backslash, slash, slash, escape.
Arnold Swartzeneger and Sylvester Stallone are making...
Arnold Swartzeneger and Sylvester Stallone are making amovie about the lives of the great composers. Stallone says "I want to be Mozart." Swartzeneger says: "In that case... I'll be Bach."
Did you hear that Princess Di was on the radio a couple of weeks ago?
Did you hear that Princess Di was on the radio a couple of weeks ago? Yep, and on the dashboard, and on the window, and on the hood....
What's the difference betwee Elton John and Princess Diana?
What's the difference betwee Elton John and Princess Diana?One's composing, the other is decomposing.
Mike Tyson gets out of jail and proceeds to do what...
Mike Tyson gets out of jail and proceeds to do what he does best... find a woman with whom he may "commiserate". After a wild night of getting it on, it's time for the young lady to leave. As she's getting dressed, she and Mike are having a conversation. She says, "Lotsa guys want to know how it was. Well, I have good news and bad news for you. Which would you like first?" Mike thinks for a moment and says, "What the hell, give me the good news." She tells him, "The good news is that you're bigger than Magic Johnson."
David Copperfield is doing his magic show and...
David Copperfield is doing his magic show and asks if anyone would like toshow him a trick. "I will", replies a guy in the audience, "but I'm going to need your wife Claudia and a table." "Ok", says David and the guy gets on stage.He then bends Claudia over the table, pulls down her knickers and startsfucking her from behind. David is now very pissed off and says, "That isn't a trick!!!"The guy just looks at David Copperfield and replies,"I know, it's fucking magic."
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