Blonds
Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock...
Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger.Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!
What did the dumb blond say to the large breasted waitress...
Q: What did the dumb blond say to the large breasted waitress after reading her name tag? A: What did you name the other one!!
A blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded woman...
A blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked:"I don't want to complain, but I think those other two girls used their arms."
Two blondes were facing each other with a lake between them...
Two blondes were facing each other with a lake between them. The first blonde wants to get to the other side so she yells to the otherblonde, "Hey! I want to get to the other side of the lake but I can't swim.Please tell me how you did this!"The second blonde then says, " But you ARE on the otherside!"
A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being...
A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being called a dumb blonde. Her friend tells her "go do something to prove them wrong! Why don't you learn all the state capitals or something?" The blonde thinks this is a great idea, and locks herself up for two weeks studying. The next party she goes to, some guy is making dumb blonde comments to her. She gets all indignant and claims, "I'm NOT a dumb blonde. In fact, I can name ALL the state capitals!" The guy doesn't believe her, so she dares him to test her. He says "Okay, what's the Capital of Montana?" The blonde tosses her hair in triumph and says, "That's easy! It's M!"
A couple was delighted when finally their long wait to adopt...
A couple was delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Japanese baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation. On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses. After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, "What ever possessed you to study Japanese?" The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Japanese baby and in a year or so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him".
So there were two guys on a roof, pounding nails...
So there were two guys on a roof, pounding nails. One guy pounded a nail in, then picked up another. He was holding the nail upside down. He unexpectedly threw the nail away. He picked up another nail, right side up this time, and pounded this in. He eventually threw so many upside down nails away, that his friend came over. "Eh, what you doing? How come you're throwing away all those nails?" he asked. "Because they're upside down," the friend replied. The other guy looks at the friend, then, after some thought, says, "You Idiot, save them for the ceiling!"
What do you get when a blond stands on here head?
Q: What do you get when a blond stands on here head?A: A smelly burnette.Sent by Tiffany
A blonde calls the fire department cause her house was on fire...
A blonde calls the fire department cause her house was on fire. They ask her how to get there and she says "Duh, big red truck?!."
There was a blonde and a brunette in a car...
There was a blonde and a brunette in a car. The brunette hears a siren behind them, so she asks the blonde if its lights are on. The blonde turns around and says "yes, no, yes, no....."
Mary Jane was walking on the beach one day and saw a shark...
Mary Jane was walking on the beach one day and saw a shark swimming around a man. The man was screaming, "Help me! Help me!"Mary Jane laughed and laughed! She knew that the shark was never going tohelp that man!
What do you call a blonde that just came out of the closet?
What do you call a blonde that just came out of the closet?The Hide and Seek champion of 1992.
Commiting suicide
A blonde and a brunette are living together. The brunette came home from work one day and the blonde had a rope around her waist. The brunette asked why the rope was around her waist. The blonde said that she was trying to commit suicide. The brunette said, "You put it around your neck!" The blonde replied, "I tried that but I couldn't breathe!"
Without a horn
Judi went to a "Dude Ranch" on vacation. The cowboypreparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western orEnglish saddle.Judi asked what the difference was."Well, one has a horn and the other doesn't.""Just get the one without the horn. I don't thinkwe'll run into too much traffic out here."
I'm not so sure evolution is indeed a valid theory...
I'm not so sure evolution is indeed a valid theory. I mean, thinkabout it -- if it were, wouldn't all blondes have grown handlesby now?
What have a blonde and a computer got in common?
What have a blonde and a computer got in common?You don't realise how much you miss them until they go down on you!Sent by Tiggsy
Did you hear about the new paint on the market?
Did you hear about the new paint on the market?It's called Blonde. It's not very bright, but it spreadseasy!
What is the smartest blonde?
What is the smartest blonde?A golden retriever
What do you call a blonde in the freezer?
What do you call a blonde in the freezer?A Frosted Flake.
A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist...
A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist. "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients arecomplaining that they can never reach me." Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your car?" Blonde: "That was a little too expensive, so I didthe next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car." Psychiatrist: "Uh ... How's that working?" Blonde: "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet." Psychiatrist: "And why do you think that is?" Blonde: "I figure it's because when I'm drivingaround, my zip code keeps changing."
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