Animal World
What has two legs, spots, and bleeds?
What has two legs, spots, and bleeds? Half a cheetah.
A farmer comes home with a lively young bull...
A farmer comes home with a lively young bull. His two old bullshave fallen on sad days. He's letting them hang around for oldtimes' sake. The minute the new bull is put into the pasture,he starts servicing the cows. At about the fourth cow, one ofthe old bulls starts to paw the ground and snort. The other asks,"Why are you doing that?"The old bull answers, "I don't want him to think I'm one of these cows!"
A boy and girl octopus out on a date...
A boy and girl octopus out on a date walked down the street arm in arm in arm in arm...
Two goldfish are in a tank when one turns to the other...
Two goldfish are in a tank when one turns to the other and says "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
What do you call a woodpecker without a beak?
What do you call a woodpecker without a beak?A headbanger
What do you call a dog with no legs?
What do you call a dog with no legs?Hehe...it doen't matter, it's not going to come anyway!Sent by Melissa
What does a lion call a antelope?
What does a lion call a antelope?Fast food.Sent by jessica
Dog washing
A young boy, about eight years old, walks into the localgrocery store and picks our a huge box of laundry detergent.The grocer walked over, and trying to be friendly,asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do."Nope, no laundry," the boy said, "I'm going to wash my dog!""But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's verypowerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick.In fact, it might even kill him."But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergentto the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer stilltried to talk him out of washing his dog.About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy somecandy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing."Oh, he died," the boy said sadly.The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he wassorry the dog died but added, "I tried to tell you not to usethat detergent on your dog!""Well," the boy replied, "I don't think it was the detergentthat killed him.""Oh? What was it then?""I think it was the spin cycle!"
Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie...
Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog had recently died. "You know, it's not your fault that the dog died. He's probably up in heaven right now, having a grand old time with God." Susie, still crying, said "What would God want with a dead dog?"
What do you call a sleeping bull?
What do you call a sleeping bull?A bulldozer
What did the dog get when he multiplied 88 x 7?
What did the dog get when he multiplied 88 x 7?The wrong answer.
A little old lady buys a pair of parrots...
A little old lady buys a pair of parrots, but cannot identify their sexes. She calls the shop, and the man there advises her to watch them carefully and all would become clear in time.She spends weeks staring at the cage and eventually catches them doing what comes naturally. To make sure she doesn't get them mixed up again, she cuts out a ring from a piece of cardboard and puts it round the male parrot's neck.A while later, the local priest visits the old lady. The male parrot takes one look at the father's collar, wolf whistles, and says, "I see she caught you at it, too."
What do you get if you sleep under a cow?
What do you get if you sleep under a cow?A PAT on the head.Sent by Jimmy
What does an elephant keep up its trunk?
What does an elephant keep up its trunk?A Yard 'n' half o' snot!
I've never understood why women love cats...
I've never understood why women love cats.Cats are independent, they don't listen,they don't come in when you call, they liketo stay out all night, come home and expectto be fed and stroked, then want to be leftalone and sleep. In other words, every qualitythat women hate in a man, they love in a cat.
What do you call a dog with two balls and no hind legs?
What do you call a dog with two balls and no hind legs?Sparky
There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself through...
There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself through veterinary school working nights as a taxidermist. Upon graduation, he decided he could combine his two vocations to better serve the needs of his patients and their owners, while doubling his practice and, therefore, his income. He opened his own offices with a shingle on the door saying, "Dr. Jones, Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy -- Either way, you get your dog back!"
Did you hear about the Blind man that went Bunjee jumping?
Did you hear about the Blind man that went Bunjee jumping?Scared the hell out of the dog.
Why'd the monkey fall outta the tree?
Why'd the monkey fall outta the tree? 'cause he was dead...Why'd the other monkey fall outta the tree? 'cause he was dead too...Why'd the third monkey fall outta the tree?peer pressure...
Why does an elephant have four feet?
Why does an elephant have four feet?Because it would look silly with six inches.
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